My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 28: "My Ex"

"Jeremy" (written 9-13-2004)

Caught up in a world

That's not too far away

Even though I'm next to you

Those quest games you still play

Why won't you find your balance

Why can't I find my home?

A place inside your heart

Is somewhere I shouldn't roam

You've become the one I can't talk to

You've become the one I despise

I've become the person you've always wanted

Even though I'm full of lies

As days go by I'm blinded

Of the good times we could be sharing

As hours go by you're gone

Those times you could be caring

Am I the victim

of a careless man?

Someone who claims to listen

and pretends to understand?

Would I be right in saying

That we'd be better off apart?

I'm not sure that you'd notice-

Would it really break your heart?

I know I might be controlling

To the point no one can tolerate

But at least I have a passion

to change the things I hate!

Please don't hate me for these feelings

For this anger I have towards you

But sometimes I honestly feel

like you don't really have a clue

Am I trying to change you

Changing to you is absurd

A minor small adjustment

An improvement is more the word

Just now you were in here

For a second I hoped you had seen

You were just as rude as before

Quiet, Soft but mean

When I say mean

what I mean is "cold"

You toughen your heart

You act oh-so bold

If only you'd listen to my thoughts

Like you listen to words you sing

But ignoring me hurts me more

It just worsens the deep sting

Would I have seen us falling this fast

if it were happening like this before?

I really thought our love would last

If you would've just opened the door.

I swear to you I'm not crazy

I swear to you I'm for real

I swear to you I'm not ridiculous

for having the feelings I feel

I feel that you're not grateful

for the wonderful spirit that is ME

I feel that one day you'll realize

That is was YOU who could not see

I'm confident, gorgeous,

silly and great

I'm a woman with curves

who's not overweight

I'm smart, ambitious and loyal

With eyes so attractive they're sad

'cause the only man I've ever wanted

Won't Love ME and for this I'm so called madd??

So now he says he's tired

He's ready to call it a day

He'll turn off the lights

Go to bed and hit the hay

Do I pretend that I'm alright

Go to bed and say I'm fine?

Even though I do still love him

I'm just not sure I can lie this time.

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 23: "My Brother #1"

"Chris & Jackie" (written July 2011)

I suggest she get a job

But he says she’s needed here

Because of his diabetes

Her excuse to work is fear

Okay, that’s fine- just dandy

You two are perfect for each other

But don’t you two remember

You’re a father and a mother

You both talk about the energy

That you don’t wanna show your kids

But don’t you realize that’s what you’re doing?

Your FEARS and THOUGHTS is all there is?

She has her strengths and weaknesses

Being your ‘assistant’, wife and nurse

It’s too much for just one person

It’s the marriage and business curse

If you were to let her go

Say just 20 hours a week

You’d see a happier wife

And a happier wife you do seek

But like she keeps inviting

It’s the ‘fear’ of you being alone

Or the ‘fear’ that you’d be cheating

That’s why she stays at home

It sounds like (at least to me)

That if you two addressed these fears

You can have rich, fulfilling lives

For another 5, 10 years

Constantly being together

Is just a ticking, ticking time bomb

Your kids deserve a balance

Of a happy dad and mom.

The solution (I see) is simple

Fear not -of affairs and death

Open your mind to possibilities

That’s the case- that I do rest.

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 22: "My Sister #1"

“COLISSA” (written Nov 23, 2011)

I ask- Where did my sister go?

So very far away-

‘Cause even though she’s closer

She’s changed from night to day

She sees the world so differently

-more bitter than before

Talking “FACTS” and only “FACTS”

The human soul- no more

I hear her speak of “burdens”

“big messes” and “fuck ups”

She’s talking about our mother

Now who’s the one fucked up?

Ok –sure- yes its sad

Mom brought this on herself

But where is your compassion?

Mom needs love and better health

There’s no use to throw your anger

Give out love and a pinch of care

NO ONE WANTS to deal with sadness

But don’t reject what’s really there

Yes, at first- I rolled my eyes

I Pretended not to think

“How could our mom go to Keith’s house

and take another drink?”

Rage, pissed off and some anger

I felt all of these too

But then- I thought, “She’s HUMAN”

That’s when I grabbed some tissue

She has a drinking problem

and almost killed herself

But I think she wants a better life

I KNOW she chooses health

When I spoke to our mother

The Truth is what I spoke

I told her I wasn’t ok

but I did not sugar coat

But that does not give me the right

to turn off all my heart

I still show her compassion

while I still fall apart

It’s not as black and white

As “FACTS” or “ENERGY”

There is a small, fine balance

This balance we ALL seek

The time for being honest

Is when our mom can hear it

So now Colissa – let it out

JUST CRY, you’re so damn near it

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 21: "My Sister #2"

"If Stranded on an Island/Becca" (written March 31, 2011)

If stranded on an island

and asked to bring one thing

I'd make sure to have my Becca

Yup, that's the thing I'd bring

My sister Becca's HAPPY

You can see it in her face

'Cause lord knows I'd be the 1 freakin'

Ya, I'd be the basket case

She'd appreciate the beauty

She'd turn fear into a test

'Cause Becca stands for positive

And attracts only the best

She's spiritual and giving

Inspirational and wise

Has faith in the universe

and all it's connecting ties

Determined and uplifting

Secure in all she does

Loves everyone past their flaws

No reason... just because

If stranded on an island

and asked to bring one thing

I'd make sure to have my Becca

'Cause I know we'd also SING! :o)

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 14: "My Deceased Father"

So many of us hold a grudge that our Dad was taken from us at such a young age. But If our Dad could respond to our sorrow, I believe he would say something like this:

"I'm already there..." (written October 2010)

I’m already there on your birthday-I am smiling and sing along with everyone.

I’m already there attending your graduation – I’m the loud guy shouting “that’s my son! “

I’m already there as you travel long distances- giving directions and keeping you awake.

I’m already there when you’re thinking I’m not, yes I see everything for goodness sake.

I’m already there crying at your wedding, even if I can’t walk you down the aisle.

I’m already there when you’re hurting so badly and just need to talk to me once in awhile.

I’m already there as your babies are born, then I watch over them each day and night.

I’m already there smiling in family photos; barely visible in the camera’s light.

I’m already there when you go meet Mickey, lie on the beach or play in the sand,

I’m already there as we catch an amateur doing the thumb trick or sleight of hand.

I’m already there around the holidays, watching traditions that you and I started.

I’m already there as you covered your nose; yes it was Dad that somehow just farted.

I’m already there as you fall fast asleep, even if you’re not sleeping in bed.

I’m already there as long as you remember me- otherwise I will always be dead.

Please remember me as I was- not a magician or man with no debts.

I am father, a brother, a son- and a husband who has no regrets.

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 7: "My Mother-in-Law"

"To Donna and Jim" (written 10/29/05)

I’m writing this poem to say thank you,

Though “Thank You” just doesn’t seem like enough.

You’ve been so kind and understanding,

Just what I’ve needed since life’s been rough.

If it were my own house I’d be skeptical,

I’d have a hard time saying yes.

But the two of you were very trusting,

And for that I am truly blessed.

I may be sorta young and naïve

To what it is that life is all about…

But I have a feeling that your Jimmy

Is the man I can’t live with out.

He’s considerate and understanding,

He’ll talk to me day or night.

And even if we’re disagreeing

He knows how to loose a fight. 

So many reasons why I love him,

Like the relationship he shares with you.

Family is number one to me,

I’m so grateful he believes that too. 

I may not be able to pay you rent

For the months you’ve allowed me to stay.

But what I can do is make this promise,

And share with you what I feel today.

I thank you for raising an awesome son,

Although he may be stubborn once in awhile.

But I know he has a terrific heart,

Great sense of humor and a gorgeous smile.

I swear to you I’ll be good and kind,

To your son and grand kids all their life.

I promise to you I’ll be the anchor,

That your son is looking for in a wife.

I wrote this poem to say thank you,

Yet it STILL doesn’t seem like enough.

So I might be continually saying it,

Whether you like it or not… so tough! 

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 6: "My Step-Father"

“Keith” (November 2011)

Keith- you are my step dad

But not much more than that

You taught me how to be tough

Drive your car and be a brat

I witnessed all your anger

when I saw you 1st fight mean

That’s why I spat into your face

As you brought out my scream

My mother- you can’t love-

If you did, you’d let her be

Instead of calling daily

Just let her please be free

You lost her on your own (you know)

She would much rather stay

But it was time to show you

She WILL not still live that way

A family you once had

With a happy, loving wife

If only you’d learn self control

You’d still have that good-ole life

I might be 11 years younger

But you’re no better than I

I’m sure your ‘GOD LIKE WISDOM’

Has made all your girls cry

Your daughters need their father

All the good thoughts in his head

It’s best to grow up now Keith

Or else they will love you dead

You’re nothing but a drunk

a jerk, self proclaimed ass

You've never known what love is

For that, you’ll finish last

Keith- you are my step dad

But that’s as just all you are

Don’t talk until you’re sober

Only then- you will go far.

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 5: "My Step-Mother"

"Some-kind of Mother" (written Feb. 1997)

Wanting MY MOM

For So Long

Hating her So

Needing to Grow

Her tears in the night

Her love out of sight

Years go by

Stop to cry

Smell of her shirt

Washing off dirt

Spaghetti on the stove

Hardly ever drove

Sound of her voice

Now loving by choice

Chores every day

Wanting her to stay

Not needing my mom

She was too gone

In her own way

Loving me everyday

Not wanting to show

How much I've grown

More of my friend

'Till the very end

To a my sister and brother

She was some-kind of mother

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 4: "My Mother"

"How the Mormon Girl became a Hooker" (written June 2010- updated Nov 2011)

Born in Hollywood, number 9 of 10 -A baby was born to Lloyd & Helen.

Little Mary Sunshine - was her nickname~

Easy to please but not easy to tame. Big beautiful eyes,

So sparkly and blue. so sweet and so happy and so darn-cute too!

She too had been taught the church going ways.

But that's what they all did in Utah those days.

Don't cuss, steal or cheat, The neighbors are your friend.

Believe there are 3 heavens when life comes to an end.

Every Sunday was Church, pay your tithing percent

and never go on a date without parental consent.

Her nephews were her age, Her sisters were teens-

Always looking so pretty, and staying so lean.

Being one of the youngest, She was often left out.

So she'd sit in her room, Feeling alone as she pout.

Tom boy as a kid, Blossoming into a girl.

Mary wanted so badly To fit into this world.

Life wasn't so easy but it wasn't that bad...

Just as long as you didn't get in trouble by dad!

She learned to like music, She learned to like boys

She played the piano, 'Stead of playing with Toys.

She was taught like the rest, Even having the same dream

"Meet your Missionary Knight And become his Sweet Queen."

When 18 came around There was only 3 things to do:

Get married, have babies, Live "happily-ever-after" too.

But God had a plan as he smirked from above...

She then met - Dee Pollard - and of course, fell in love.

In the Mormon Church temple is where they got hitched.

But the marriage was rocky and soon lost its stitch.

Each had expectations that neither could keep.

But their commitment was strong and dedication was deep.

- Crystal Jean - was their first And she lit of their lives.

There was peace for a moment As they put down the knives.

- Christopher Dee - was then born. The Pollard's now "complete"...

But the marriage still crumbled underneath Mary's feet.

- Colissa Mary - was born And those 3 sure did shine.

That's when Mary Helen knew It was finally time.

Time to move on alone, Time to follow her heart.

Even if it did mean Tearing the family apart.

Mary wanted a romance that Dee didn't understand.

Quickly she found it- In a jealous foreign man.

She thought she found true love, her fairytale finally here-

But she couldn't satisfy her new husband's constant fear.

Learning Wander had a temper (is why he couldn't stay.)

So Mary changed the locks and sent him on his way.

But not before God gave Mary another jewel…

Starring: - Rebecca Richelle – (But left Mary with no "fuel")

No fuel to buy diapers, or formula or food.

Yes Mary was happy But depressed in her mood.

Dave Penney had some money and he was happy to share.

Yes Mary seemed desperate but she didn't care.

He came with some baggage- and it tore them in two.

That's when Mary left Utah to Kalamazoo.

In Kalamazoo she pondered On what life was all about.

Eager to find her calling But also full of doubt.

No one really understood her, But she was finally

breaking free. Free of being the "Mary Sunshine"

Everyone wanted her to be. She went looking

for some clarity Did Soul searching from abroad.

Traveling cities and through states Without Daddy's "approving nod".

Using nothing but her credit cards Racking up large sums of debt.

No obligations now except Becca- and the Mexican she just met.

Ramon she thought she loved. But turns out he played a good game.

He bluffed his way to Mary's heart and used her for her innocent name.

So she focused on loving Mary 'Stead of depending on a man.

Not worrying if others would care But hoping they soon could understand.

Raising Becca with no siblings Hoping love might find her someday.

It was Kalamazoo she escaped to, As the other 3, in Utah stayed.

So I guess it was only Arizona- but at the time it sure seemed far.

I barely saw my mother as she chased her dream to become a star.

She wrote many songs about love. All true songs reflecting her life.

Expressing her struggles with Ramon, Yet still happy to not be his wife.

Missing her kids she longed for balance, She told the recording people goodbye.

She finally knew what she wanted. A little freedom with the perfect guy.

Shopping at Smith's one day she found Keith 10 Years Younger and not very scary.

Mary instantly fell for this Hooker... And this Hooker fell instantly for Mary.

Keith was sweet; he was kind but not timid Responsible, honest and true.

Good looking with blonde locks not brown hair And deep sincere eyes that also were blue.

He treated her like a Queen Showed her Love, Gave her Trust and Respect.

She melted each day she was with him And I'm sure you know what happened next...

This Mormon girl became a Hooker. Yes this mother of 4 found her mate.

They moved their families into a small house and the 8 of them got along great.

Adding her kids with Keith's girls went smooth In fact, It was as easy as pie.

'Cause Mary's 4 kids were entertaining And Vanessa and Alyssa weren't shy.

Binding two families - Ashley Rose - was now here.

With so many kids- so much happened each year.

Now a step-mom (mother of 7) Painting her house as her own slice of heaven.

Mary finally found love Life was stable, But without credit cards

There's no cable! Mary finally painted a world of her own.

House full of happiness, Never feeling alone.

God and her Mother answering prayers from above.

Happily-Ever-After No more searching for love.

Sure there was fighting- Mostly yelling (No fists)

But what's a Soap Opera WITHOUT all the twists?

To make matters better She put Keith through school.

Keith massages her weekly Ain't that Cool?

Through the years She's become more self aware.

Turning heads she can make men still stare.

Learned religion from her parents, She balances well.

Between heaven on earth and her limitations of hell.

She may not be praying like Daddy had wanted.

Might not be living the life Momma dreamed.

But she made mistakes so her kids wouldn't have to

Passing on wisdom not just good looking genes.

Before you knew it, time passed, kids were grown.

Moving out of the house, having dreams of their own.

Crystal lives now in Phoenix, and is a mom of four.

Chris is a Dad of one, and expecting one more.

Colissa's in college a waitress at night.

Becca's in school too with her dreams still in sight.

Vanessa works real hard and Alyssa does too.

Ashley just turned 13 but is going on 22.

Her Grandkids give her joy (as most grandbabies often do.)

Her first one's - Krislynn Night – Who's sweet & smart as a whip too.

- Matthew Ryan - is a Gemini Just like his mother's mom.

Stick him in a little box and he'll go off like a time bomb.

- Brooklyn D -has all the spunk that she is gonna need.

'Cause she's got 3 older brothers And she was born to lead.

Mary's raised real good kids and is honest about much.

She's so proud of her family, her business and such.

She's become very successful as a Whimsical Arteest.

It's been their bread & butter, Heck it's been their whole feast!

Plays her heart out like nobody's watching She dances like nobody cares.

These are reasons why we love our Mother- It's no wonder she gets constant stares!

Yes sometimes things are rough... But what else did you expect?

As long as you have faith, You're bound for Love, Trust & Respect.

The moral of this story: Is the Greatest Thing You'll ever Learn; "Just learn to Love each other & learn to BE Loved in Return..."

. . .

Oh wait, there more to add In this story of Mary’s life

She’s decided to leave her Keithy -She can no longer stand to be his wife.

He hasn’t learned to love -More than her or himself -or less!

He’s no longer supporting his family - Staying sober is now his test

So if he fails to pass, Mary will not go back- And Keith will have to grow up

& The house will be his to pack.

She’s done supporting men, Who don’t support her dream.

So she will just stay single. It’s that- or she’ll just scream!

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 3: "My Father"

"DadDee" (written July 1997)

As a child I danced

To Paula and to Janet

My dad used to be so happy

The best DadDee on the planet

But this happy dancer grew up

Learned that Dad was not so great

He'd blow up and give guilt trips

Then ask for forgiveness much too late

For 1 year I lived in Tucson

Lived with Mom instead of Dad

The change in moods was drastic

I knew of the choices I had

In May I moved back to Utah

But dread the guilt trips and stress

I freaked out almost daily

Dad thought that I was a mess

When I was there I felt so Lost

I really wanted to go

But if I did, I knew it then

That I would hurt him so

But just like THAT -I left real quick

It was a shock to everyone

Even though I planned my own escape

Ever since before June one.

I was so very unhappy-

The hate had got me sick

I fell into a depression

"Spoiled teen" was what they called it

My dad is now the sick one

but with what they call cancer

I'm now a sadden little girl

no longer the happy dancer

Is it my fault for his sickness?

Like I blamed him for mine?

It's just not fair for him to die now

It's really not his time

I was hoping he would be there

Like on the day I get married

He needs to grow into a Grandpa

Not in the ground and buried!

God help him live, help him be strong

God Help him understand

He isn't an awful father

He's actually a great man

DadDee Pollard Born: July 6, 1960

Died: September 21, 1998

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 2: "My Partner"

I NEED (written 8/3/2007)

I need someone to talk to

That wants to talk to me

I need someone that will keep me grounded

But at the same time let me free

I need someone to hold me tight

Not just when I am asking

I need someone that is into me

A love that’s everlasting

I need someone that will put me first

And not second or 3^rd to a game

I need someone that will not point fingers

and once in awhile take the blame

I need someone that is happy

And not grumpy or mad everyday

I need someone that appreciates me

And is glad that I’m this way

I want that someone to be you Jim

I want you to complete me once again

I want you to realize that I’m not here forever

And I would like to be your friend

You’re a great provider, husband & father

We have the marriage part down great

But Please Jim, before this gets harder

I need your friendship before it’s too late

My 30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 1: "ABOUT ME"

(Here is my ABC LIST... these are all the things that KNOW that I can be. )

I am

ADORABLE in the clothes that I wear- I am

BEAUTIFUL with long dark hair- I am

CONFIDENT in me and myself- I am

DEDICATED to bettering my health- I am

ENERGETIC and ready for anything- I am

FUNNY and I love to sing- I am

GIRLY GIRL in all the I do- I am

HONEST, I am faithful and I am true- I am

INTROSPECTIVE, deep in my core- I am

JOLLY, I am joyful, I am more- I am

KIND to everybody that I meet- I am

LUCKY to have food to eat- I am

MOTHERLY and rarely ever mean- I'm a

NEAT-FREAK when's time to clean- I am

ORGANIZED at work and at home- I'm a

PRINCESS but I'm free to rome- I'm a

QUEEN of my castle and my kingdom- I'm

RESPECTED by the boys, kids and Jim- I am

SEXY and I don't even know it- I am

TEDIOUS but I rarely show it- I'm

UNDERSTANDING when you get on my nerves- I'm

VOLUPTUOUS with valleys and curves- I am

WEALTHY with money to spare- I am

eXICITED which shows you I care- I am

YOUNG and my actions will prove it- I am

ZANY and weird 'cause I chose it.